How can I help Ex-Christians?

Walking away from a religion can be very traumatic. In too many cases, people find themselves rejected by former friends and family members, and it's not unheard of for "good Christians" to leave people without a place to live or a way to provide for themselves.

It's pretty hard to see this happen to someone and not feel motivated to help them.

However, it's very easy for a Christian to accidentally make things worse. It doesn't matter if you think your church is more welcoming or if the people who hurt them weren't "real Christians". If you really want to help someone who has decided to leave Christianity, then don't push the issue further - and for the love of Pete, don't even remotely imply that the person who left wasn't faithful enough or didn't really believe.

If you really want to help someone who has left the Faith, then there are two things you can do. The first of these is that you can provide some practical support.

Leaving their religion may have cost them everything. They may need a place to stay, money for basic necessities like food and transportation, and other things that they had been getting help with. Even if you aren't able to provide very much, every bit of help you offer will matter more than any Bible verses you could possibly recite.

A simple way to do this is to continue treating them as you did before they left the church. If you included them in activities before, keep including them now. If they're struggling to keep food on the table, offer to share yours with them.

Or in other words, show them that unconditional love we talk about so much.

The other thing you can do is given them a safe outlet for everything they've had to bottle up over the years. A lot of ex-Christians are angry and have good reason to be angry. But when anger has nowhere to go, it can fester and prevent people from healing. You can help by simply listening, but you need to do so without judgement - this isn't the time to correct their theology or defend what you believe. If they want to actually discuss it, they'll let you know.

Importantly, if they tell you something in private, do not repeat it to anyone. Ever. Ex-Christians already have enough trouble trusting others; don't make matters worse.

There's just one last thing I'd like to say about this.

Very few people just woke up one morning and stopped caring about Christianity. For a lot of people, especially those who grew up in toxic churches or cults, making the choice to leave meant dealing with some very serious emotions and fighting some hard battles. It's also very likely that they were or felt smothered by the faith they left behind, so give them room to heal and grow.

In particular, this might be the first time they've been able to make decisions on their own. Don't take that away from them.